There are two separate issues here:
Many-to-many relationships always appear as subgrids on forms, not dropdowns. That's how Dataverse renders M2M by default and there's no native setting to change it to a dropdown. If you want a dropdown look, you'd need a PCF (custom) control or a different data model.
The subgrid not appearing during record creation is also expected behavior. Subgrids for M2M relationships only load after the parent record is saved because the system needs a record ID to create the junction table entries. You can't make a M2M subgrid appear in the create form before the record is saved.
For mandatory: M2M relationships can't be set as required in the same way a field can. You'd need a Business Rule or plugin to enforce it.
Given your requirement (multi-select, hierarchical, future child table), the cleanest architecture is actually to keep the M2M relationship and subgrid as-is, but improve the user experience by:
1. Creating a Quick Create form on the Service Category table so users can add entries quickly from the subgrid
2. Using a Business Rule to warn the user if no categories are selected before they progress
If you're open to rethinking the model: a Lookup field (1:N) would give you the native dropdown, mandatory field, and shows during creation. You'd lose multi-select, but gain simplicity. For multi-select with dropdown UI, a Choices (multi-select option set) field is actually the closest native option, but you said you don't want that.
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